One of the most frequently asked question at Rejection Slip Theater's monthly rejected writers' retreat and wine-tasting sponsored by the Southern Iowa Writer's Institute (located just above the Tai Kwon Do Academy on the corner of Euclid and Main in Osceola, Iowa) is really multifaceted: "Does pumpkin bombing truly exist? If so, where? Can it support an entire novel? Are obligatory sex scenes necessary? Should pumpkin-bombing be hyphenated? Do recent reports of rouge deer charging about Target stores in Des Moines, Iowa with pumpkins on their heads indicate an upsurge in pumpkin-bombing-related activities? If pumpkins were banned would only criminals possess pumpkins?
Good questions, all. We'll take them in reverse order:
1) If pumpkins were banned would only criminals posses pumpkins? No, the Second Amendment requires bears, too, to keep pumpkins...plus limit comma usage and ellipses, but, more importantly, it prohibits use of the subjunctive except by a well-regulated literary militia.
2) Do recent reports of rouge deer charging about Target stores in Des Moines, Iowa with pumpkins covering their heads indicate an upsurge in pumpkin bombing related activities? Perhaps. But it's rogue deer not rouge deer. And it's Des Moines where anything is possible, especially when it comes to headgear.
3) Should pumpkin-bombing be hyphenated? If you're anal-retentive, yes.
4) Are obligatory sex scenes necessary? Only if you want to get published. If you want to get your pumpkin story rejected and straight to RST, then obfuscate the naughty allusions.
5) Can it (pumpkin bombing) support an entire novel? We assume the questioner meant: Can it keep the reader's attention through 427 pages, excluding epilogues and footnotes, because nobody reads those? In that case, yes. See Bootleg Skies. Read a sample chapter: http://www.ailerona.com/documents/BootlegSkiesCh1.pdf
5) Shouldn't this be question #6? Yes.
7) Finally: Does pumpkin bombing truly exist? If so, where? It certainly does, Ollie, and where else but in southern Iowa: http://www.avweb.com/news/skywrite/188626-1.html
Credits: Rejection Slip Theater (original © 1993), was created and produced by Joseph Pundzak and Paul Berge. Michael Meacham, Technical Director. Joseph Pundzak, Executive Producer. Original music by Jamie Poulsen. All original written stories remain the copyrighted property of the authors, used with permission by Rejection Slip Theater, which retains all rights to the audio productions. Most performers are available for voice work through Radio Garage in Urbandale, Iowa (http://www.radiogarage.com/). Some of the RST radioplays are available for theatrical production. Contact us for fees and copyrights at: email@example.com Write "RST scripts" in the subject bar. No attachments, Fwd, viri or embedded messages, please, or we'll report you to Col. Sparky and you'll never smash pumpkins again! Our podcast guru is Dan Wardell. More RST podcasts at: http://feeds.feedburner.com/rejectionsliptheater RST web site and Contact Us: http://www.paulberge.com/ "Good night...or good morning. Whatever works."